


Please Come Back to Me

by tashewgirl101



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst without a happy ending, Don't Read if you are Already Sad, M/M, it's really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 08:17:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13947504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tashewgirl101/pseuds/tashewgirl101
Summary: Mark can't deal with losing Jack. Warning: Very sad.





	Please Come Back to Me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. This came from a really dark place. I needed a way to get my emotions and thoughts out. Unedited so please let me know if there are any mistakes.

It felt like his heart was actually missing. As if he had been walking around for months without his heart and he hadn’t noticed until just now, laying in bed. He knew where it was too. It wasn’t some big secret as to where his heart could have gone to. And it wasn’t true that he hadn’t noticed his heart was gone; he just had forgotten for a few months. But now it was an ache. A physical pain that he could feel. It made his stomach turn and tears come to his eyes.

 

He curled in on himself in his large bed. His covers that usually kept him warm at night, doing nothing but making him feel more alone, more cold without a person to share the bed with. 

The idea of calling tyler or Amy popped into his head but he pushed it aside. They wouldn’t understand how much it hurt or why he was crying at midnight on this random night. It wasn’t a night of significance, so why was he suddenly so empty and in so much pain? Why did he suddenly have a pain in his chest where his heart should be.

Usually, Mark would call Wade in this situation and even as he glanced at his phone and did the calculations to figure out how late it was in Cincinnati, he was opening it and pulling up Wade’s number. Instead of asking if he could call or telling Wade he was upset, Mark asked if he was awake. If he wasn’t, in the morning Mark could play it off as not being able to sleep and not make Wade feel guilty for something that wasn’t his responsibility.

As Mark was about to close his phone, an idea came to his head. He knew it was a bad idea. One he had had many times but had decided against because it was stupid and would make him feel worse. And yet, in this moment of weakness, Mark allowed himself to be stupid. 

He want to his camera rolled and scrolled up past months of pictures and videos until he got to about six months prior. He clicked on the first and started scrolling through the various pictures of Jack and Jack and Mark together. Some made him laugh, some made him smile softly, and for some he had to put the phone down and bury his face in his comforter, muffling the sobbs that wracked his body. One photo made him pause, leaning his phone up against his bedpost so he could rest his head on the pillow and look at it. It was one Jack had sent him from Ireland when it had snowed; he was leaning on a deck railing looking out at the snow. Only Jack’s head and upper torso were in view and a content smile played on his lips. The moment Mark had seen this picture a clear image had formed in his head of taking Jack home to Cincinnati for christmas one year, the two of them at the family dinner party when Jack sneaks out onto the deck for a breath of fresh air. Mark would notice him sneak out and make two steaming mugs of apple cider and take them out to him. He would hand one to Jack and hold the other close. They would talk softly and smile and be happy forever with each other, simply living their lives intertwined.

He missed Jack so much. It wasn’t fair that this had happened. It wasn’t fair that they hadn’t talked since that week. It wasn’t fair that things got too confusing and hard and complicated and Jack’s girlfriend found out. It wasn’t fair that Jack had promised Mark that he was going back to England to sort everything out and break up with Singe and come live with him because they were in love. It wasn’t fair that a week later, all Mark got from Jack was a text telling him that Jack was staying with Singe in England and that they couldn’t talk anymore. It wasn’t fair that Jack had started drinking and spending more time with Felix instead of Mark. It wasn’t fair that Mark had fallen into a depression so dark that he went numb to everything including himself. IT wasn’t fair that Mark couldn’t tell if he was still depressed or not because he couldn’t feel anything and he didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse. It wasn’t fair that some nights, when Mark was all alone in the darkness, all those feelings that he had been numb to would come rushing back.

But that was life, right? Life wasn’t fair. He was pretty sure that had been his father’s moto since he had heard it so much growing up. He had heard it so much and he completely believed it. Life wasn’t fair to anyone. This was something that Mark had taken to telling himself when he got upset and started thinking about things in terms of what was fair and what was not.

Life wasn’t fair, but Mark knew that he was lucky enough to be able to do something about his situation where so many were not.

It was an even dumber idea than the photos had been. It was 7 am in London and Jack was sure to be asleep, probably snuggled up to his girlfriend. The idea made Mark physically sick to his stomach. And even if he wasn’t, Jack wouldn’t want to hear from Mark. He had made it very clear that they were not to communicate or have any contact, online included. Before Mark could talk himself out of it, Jack’s number was pulled up on Mark’s phone and he was pressing ‘call’

The phone rang so many times that Mark was sure the call would got to voicemail and he was about to hang up before he had to hear Jack’s voice, recorded sounding and impersonal. He heard that enough when he wanted Jack’s videos. He might as well just hang up and try to go to sleep even though he knew he would not be getting any that night.

“Hello?” a very groggy sounding Jack asked through Mark’s phone. Mark swore his heart stopped beating. Oh, there it was.

“Hi.” Mark’s voice came out sounding watery and rather pathetic so he cleared his throat and tried again. “Hey.

“Mark?” 

“Yeah. It’s me.” Mark was away of how sad his voice sounded but he couldn’t be damned to try and fake for Jack.

“You know it is 7 in the morning here right?”

Mark chuckled weakly, “Top o’ the mornin to ya?

There was silence and Mark knew his joke had fallen flat, not that he had expected anything more. 

“Mark, what is this about.” Jack’s voice was flat and serious.

Mark crumbled then, tears welt up in his eyes. They fell and with them, a sob left his lips, sounding pitiful even to his own ears. “Jack, I- I miss you so much. I don’t know what happened or why, but I miss you. I know I am not supposed to call you or talk to you but I have to. I had to hear your voice again. I’m so sorry if this messed something up with you and Singe or anything, but I had to.”

“Mark-” Jack sounded breathless and sad. He gave a chuckle, lacking completely in humor. “There isn’t anything to mess up with Singe and I.”

“What?” Mark asked through the tears still rolling, although he had managed to get a hold on his sobbs.

“Singe and I-” Jack sighed, “We aren’t really anything. She loves me so much but I-” the ‘don’t’ was left unsaid and yet understood.

“Then why? Why didn’t you come back? Why did you stay with her?” Mark was desperate, grasping out like a drowning man for a buey. 

“Because, Mark. Life isn’t that simple. I couldn’t just leave her here. She doesn’t even hace citizenship. She would get sent back and she begged me not to let that happen. And even if she hadn’t…. Mark, we would never work. With the fans and our families. You haven’t even come out to your mom yet. We don’t work in the real world.” Jack sounded wide awake now and yet so completely tired.

“I did.”

“Did what?”

“Came out to my mom. When I was last there. I told her and Thomas and Dee. I told them everything, about you and I and Amy and Catherine.”

“Oh.”

“Jack?”

“Yes?”

“Please come back to me.” 

“Mark.” it was a warning, telling him to leave it there and spare them both.

“Please. Please Jack.” 

“I’m sorry, Mark. I- I can’t” 

The line went dead.


End file.
